Perimenopause is starting to feel like a forced game of hormonal roulette, you never know from one day to the next how you are going to feel (or if you are maybe pregnant). At the moment I feel stuck on the roulette wheel every month, not knowing where (or if) the ball is going to land.
About 5 years ago when I first entered this world of hormonal changes, rather unwillingly, I remember telling my neighbour how I had just bought a pregnancy test because my period was a week late which has only ever happened four times – each time resulted in a baby. We had a good laugh about it – imagine you had a baby now (hahaha) and the swapped stories about woman we know who have had unplanned babies after 40 because they assumed they couldn’t. The test was obviously negative, duh – I mean I had the factory closed when I had Emma, so it was more paranoia and I suppose an unwillingness to accept that changes were afoot. In all fairness though, we all have that friend who fell pregnant on the pill, after having their tubes tied, whose husband had had a vasectomy, after 40. I experienced a few more irregular periods but then sorted itself out and went back to it’s consistent reliable self.
A few months ago, this journey to the next stage of womanhood continued when things started getting wild, not in a good way. I have always been very regular and had a pretty mild period. Even after each baby, things got back to normal quickly. The last few months, however, have left me in tears – not hormonal, I can’t control them tears, but tears out of frustration at the sheer chaos that is now my period.
Not only does it arrive as and when it wants to, no warning, no sore boobs to ease me into it, no snappy moods or chocolate cravings – just BAM, hello. And each time it comes in like a wrecking ball. My poor cup has been overflowing – literally. It feels like the battle of Blood river each month, for days. Something I am not used to and was definitely not prepared for. Not only is the flow heavy but it is painful. For the first time in our relationship David went out and bought me some heat pads to use because I was complaining so much – we have been together for 16 years and had 2 babies together.
I am not telling you all of this because I want my menstrual history available for the world and AI to find but rather because no one warned me and that makes me a little mad.
I chatted to my walking group about it because most of them are a fair bit older than me and are in menopause. None of them were surprised because they had all been through it. Some even suggested I get a hysterectomy. (I am not sure I am there yet). What I am experiencing seems to be normal but I was not prepared. Even though knowing would not have changed anything physically, at least I would have more mentally prepared.
It is so frustrating that we still aren’t talking openly about what happens to women during this season of life. It is changing for the better and hopefully it will continue to do so because man, this season is not a whole heap of fun a lot of the time.
