Self-Care: Your 30s vs Your 40s

During my 30’s 4 kids who went to 4 different schools and a husband with a job that required a fair bit of travel – self care was not a priority. As life has gotten less frenetic, not only have I learnt to make time for self-care but I have discovered how important it is for my overall mental health.

Self-care : the practice of taking an active role in protecting one’s own well-being and happiness, in particular during periods of stress.

I loved this definition because it says “taking an active role” and that where the secret to self-care lies – YOU taking an active role! Making the time for your self-care requires a effort and I know I didn’t have much energy left to put in the effort in my 30s.

Self-Care in My 30’s

My 30’s were wild and not in the party all day kinda way but in the “Met a man, had a 3rd baby, got married, had a 4th baby, started and failed a few business, had a hip replacement, fostered a baby and had 4 kids in 4 different schools.” kinda way.

It sometimes feels like David and I packed a life time worth of experiences into those 10 years. It felt like sheer pandemonium some days. Nothing about our lives was calm. Don’t get me wrong I look back over this time fondly. We had such fun in the chaos and made some amazing memories. We would pack that bus and head out for weekends away, parties with friends, summer braais and long road trips to the Western Cape.

There simply was not time for me to think about self-care. Sure I had alone time, I got my hair done and had spa days but I was not prioritising the things that made my soul sing. This wasn’t anyone faults, we were so busy surviving a kid who didn’t sleep and a teen who was doing every sport he could find.

I was really lucky though that during this time I had some incredible blogging experiences that, while work, allowed me to get away for a few days and experience some unforgettable places – that was self-care for me.

When I look back I could have made the time. I could have prioritized my self-care a lot more but it was just not the season. And I think that is ok.

Self-care in my 40’s

When I burnt out 3 years ago I had to make some dramatic life changes. I had to learn how to manage my stress and how to prioritise self-care. I do wish I had learnt this a lot sooner but life leads you where you need to be when you need to be there, right?

A big part of self-care is not actually spa days and weekends away but rather, for me, it has been setting boundaries with my clients, my family and my friends. It has been about saying no to things that drain me and people who don’t add positively to my life.

It has also been about making more time for my health. Listening to my body and making sure I give it what it needs when it needs it – this includes exercise. I have learnt how to listen to my body – I now know when the stress is starting to take over and I know what to do to manage it. I can feel when I need to workout more or when I can take some time off.

I prioritise coffee dates with friends. Sometimes it does inconvenience my family but that is ok. It is my time, its the diary and everyone will be ok.

I make time for the things that bring me joy. This has become even more important as I manage my grief. I make time every day to do things just for me – playing around with my Cricut, writing, scrapbooking, watching silly Christmas movies.

I have a much deeper understanding of what real self-care is and how to make time for it every day – not just when life gets overwhelming.

What does self-care look like to you?