Weekly Wisdoms #17
And that’s March halfway done! I don’t even know what to say. It feels like I have lived a thousand years in the last 10 weeks. So much has happened. We received some feedback from Emma’s therapist that is good news but it did make me very emotional. I am, once again, very thankful for the amazing support that we have found to help us navigate not only Cameron’s death but the ripple effect that it has had on all of us.
Glimmers
(Glimmers are micro-moments of joy that make us feel happy, hopeful, and safe.)
- I had my first ever mammogram. It has taken me a few years to get this done but I did it, everything was fine.
- Coco and I went on a hike on Tuesday. I managed to do the whole trail this time, on my own and it wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be.
- Eve and I had a breakfast date instead of a coffee date this week and it was so good. We had a great chat, delicious coffee and a yummy meal.
- My date day with Emma this week was a little rushed but we ended up in Exclusive Books and it was just what we both needed. We walked around, browsed and calmed down. (It’s been a rough few days).
- We stocked up on glasses and vinyl for Emma’s little business, so the weekend will be spent creating with my Cricut.
- Kiara is having so much fun at her internship. She is learning so much and it looks like it may turn into something more permanent.
- I haven’t been on my game with work which has meant catching up at places like Emma’s hockey practice but I find I am super productive when I work in a coffee shop or in this case Action Sport centre.
- I see my therapist once a month now and our catch up was this week and it was such a great talk about the past month, what has been happening etc.
- Emma had her JKA SA Nationals today and she got her Gauteng colours and her first gold medal.
My Weekly Wisdom..
When I was in the clinic last year, one of the therapists said to me “You changed the day Cameron died”. It has taken me this long to process that sentence. Everything we go through in life changes us, all the small things that happen change us in small ways. Then there are big things that happen – the birth of a child, a marriage, a divorce – the death of a child. And these change every single part of us.
When you get married you become a wife. When you have a child you become a mom. When you start a new business you become a business owner. But when you loose a child, what do you become? A grieving mother? That doesn’t really explain it. It doesn’t really tell the world you have changed.
I haven’t felt like I have changed until now. I mean, yes my child died and that devasted me, it nearly broke me. It sits with me every single day but I am still the same person – right? Well not so much. Not only will I forever walk alongside sadness, I feel different. I have set boundaries with those people who do not add positively to my life and I am nurturing relationships with those who have been there for me and who support me. I am more selfish with the things that are important to me – time with friends, time for myself, time with David. I have loosened my grip on my need to control everything. I have, in many ways, adopted a let them attitude – which if you know me is not really me but I have changed.
Cool Things I Learnt
There is a hiking trail called Te Araroa in New Zealand. It is 3000km and takes about 4 months. It looks amazing. Tough, but beautiful.
David got this little gadget that Kobe wears and it tracks how much he sleeps, walks etc. He is walking 6km without even leaving our house. He is an overly anxious dog so he does follow us all the time but that is a lot of walking.
Picture of the Week
Wise Words of the Week
“In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.” — Fran Lebowitz
Words of the Week
I am joining up with the Word of the Week link party this week so my word for the week would have to be EMOTIONAL. It was a busy week.
Until next week!
The feedback from the therapist sounds like fantastic news. I am glad it’s going well.
All of your glimmers made me smile. It sounds like a good week.
I can’t imagine the pain of loosing a child. Sending love and hugs.
It’s good to hear that you’ve had some positive feedback from Emma’s therapist. It sounds like a very emotional week for you all. Sending virtual hugs to you.
I really enjoyed reading your glimmers, they are very uplifting.
A four-month hiking trail sounds amazing, but I’m not sure I would last a day or so. That must be for hardcore hikers.
So sorry to hear you’re in the club of moms who’ve lost a child. I’m in the club too, so I understand. Anyway I am sending hugs for you as you get on with life without your son. Yes, you have changed, hopefully into someone who is kinder to yourself. I hope the week ahead is fab. Oh, I envy you for the walks and hikes. The treadmill will do me for now.
I am so sorry for your loss and the anguish you must go through daily. I am glad you find glimmers of hope and happiness. I am glad you are well supported. For what it’s worth, you are still a mother, you just may not be actively mothering. But those feelings are still there, the emotional bond is there – none of that goes away. But the extra time is where you build new parts of you. Keep doing what you are doing. #GMAlinky
Emotional seems an apt word for your week. It feels like a full on week. Sending hugs. I’m glad you had positive feedback from both the therapists in your life. You are walking a tough path. Your glimmers are lovely. The 6k walking for Kobe made me smile. They always walk more than we do on a walk, don’t they. Seems like the house too.
Emotional indeed! I’m glad about Emma’s feedback though and it sounds like Kiara is having fun. I’ve never lost a child (well apart from a miscarriage) so I can’t imagine how it has changed you, but I know it would change me. Keep on with the positives. You will find other mum’s without their children in my #WOTW club.
So sorry to learn that you lost your beloved Cameron, I have no words and can’t imagine what it must be like. I do love a good hike to help clear the mind, Coco looks like the perfect companion
Ooh I’d love to put a tracker on our dogs. One just roams and potters around the farm garden/drive because she likes to escape out of the electric fence around their garne area, the other one just sits and watches her from inside it most of the day.
Glad you got that insight from the therapist.
Your weekly wisdom really resonated with me. Child loss is such a huge thing that it does change who you are and there isn’t any clear word to describe who you become as a result of it. I’m sorry that this is something that you too have to live with and for the loss of your Cameron. Focusing on the relationship with people who support you and prioritising the things that matter is so important. It’s something I’ve learnt since losing my daughter too. I love your list of glimmers. Those micro-moments of joy are good things to focus on too.
The loss of a child is something i could not even imagine sending a hug.
Your dog is very cute! 6K without leaving the house is very impressive.
Loved your glimmers. Sometimes it’s not easy to see the happy things which makes them more special when we do x
Wow that is a lot of walking Kobe does just around the house and garden. it’s strange seeing every step that Kobe takes around your house, I can picture each and every one. I can’t believe Emma is so grown up now, I remember holding her as a baby, all feels so long ago now. What internship is Kiara doing? I’d give anything and everything to rewind a year and be the person I was before, Laura. I’m changing every day I can feel it. Like you, I am cutting out the negativity in my life and focusing on the people who are here and have given so much, so much more than I could have ever imagined and for that I will always be so grateful.
Emotional seems to be the right word, as describes a whole spectrum of emotions. Child loss would inevitably change a parent.
Such a profound loss makes you appreciate people who support and care about you, and it’s not selfish at all to cut links with those who emit negative vibes.
Big hugs.
Thank you. So much has been put into perspective for me as a result of this loss. My focus is definitely more on those who are there and supporting me.