The week started off with lots of emotion, a few tears, some frustration and bit of a reset. David and I are both going through a whole range of rather intense emotions, we are trying our best to be there for one another but if I am honest I wish someone else would just take over “life” right now so we can just fully process things and fall apart a little bit. But, alas, the world does not stop turning when trauma hits.
When we booked this trip we didnt know about the additional emotional trauma but I think being here is the perfect place. We are removed enough to be calm and not have the every day chaos of life but close enough to still be kept up to date and in touch with those we need to.
Glimmers
(Glimmers are micro-moments of joy that make us feel happy, hopeful, and safe.)
- I have been getting up early, in the cold, making a fire and reading my book before the day starts. It is my favourite thing about coming here.
- David and I have been trying to get out for a walk every day – we have managed 4/6 days so far – the estate isnt very big but we are managing about 3-4km each time but it is more for our mental health right now that physical health.
- Making a daily fire is such a treat. It warms the house and just creates such a cozy vibe.
- We took a trip to Franschoek which was so lovely. I have been a few times but very briefly, it was nice to walk around and explore.
- While we were in Franschoek we stopped at the Terbedore shop and got some coffee – they have the best selection of coffees, it was one of Cameron’s favourite.
- We have been walking on the dam collecting pine cones and mall sticks for the fire. It has been cold but the walks are always so gorgeous.
- While browsing some of the thrift stores in Franschoek I spotted this box of smurfs – such a jolt back to my childhood.
- Kiara wasn’t going to join us because she has work but she decided last minute to spend the weekend with us.
My Weekly Wisdom..
I know this seems like an obvious thing to say but I am fast becoming enemies with grief. Just when I think I have a handle on it, it punches me right in the gut, as soon as I get my breathe it pushes me over and then when I get up it, it kicks me in the shins – I am very much over it!
Earlier this week while we were out, my phone rang. It showed a clinic in Cape Town. My whole family is in Cape Town and so is David’s. My heart stopped. I literally felt my chest close. David answered and I was about to burst into tears. Turns out it was just a work call, we deal with Dr’s but they usually call on my work number if they ever do call, which is very rare.
It threw me for the rest of the day. I felt that punch in the gut. I remembered the phone call that night. I can’t answer phone calls after hours and now clearly medical rooms in Cape Town are a trigger too. I HATE IT!
I hate that I spent the rest of the afternoon carrying my grief like a overpacked back pack. It weighed me down. It took hold of my focus and all I could feel was the intense sadness that comes with the loss of a child.
Picture of the Week
I have decided to change this section up and add in my favourite photo of the week. This picture is deceptive. The wind was howling and it was icy cold.
Wise Words of the Week
Words of the Week
I am joining up with the Word of the Week link party this week so my word for the week would have to be GRIEF . I think I have used this work before but it feels like it is so front and centre in our lives again. I am learning though to lean in to it, feel it rather than trying to ignore it or avoid it.
Until next week!
Sending love and hugs. It sounds like this week has been difficult with all the emotions.
The fire does sound like a lovely part of your day and the walks with David too.
Those Smurfs are a blast from the past!
What a worry with the phone call. I am glad it was just a work call. x
Oh what a week for you. I’m sorry that you’ve had so much to deal with. Grief is different for everyone, I know. Sending hugs. You really are in the opposite season to the UK. A fire is the last thing I want to sit beside. It’s very muggy here. I like the idea of getting up early to read. I love seeing the collection of Smurfs. Every petrol station used to offer them, so I think I have a few somewhere in the boxes. Hope you have a peaceful weekend.
I’m sorry to hear that your week has been so heavy; it’s understandable that you feel so many emotions right now. Thinking of you and sending hugs.
I had some of those Smurfs on a little trinket shelf when I was younger. I do spot the odd one in a charity shop now and again.
Wishing you a gentle weekend.
I’m so sorry to hear you’ve been dealing with so much. I hope you’re finding small moments of comfort through the waves of grief. Thinking of you.
The Smurfs certainly take me back to my childhood, what a fab find!
I love the beach pic, I would even welcome the cold and wind. It’s been so hot and humid here the past week!
I hope the weekend is kind to you.
Some lovely memories made this week and a great find with the Smurfs. I loved visiting Franschoek and I can’t resist a good coffee.
I’m sorry the phone call hit you like it did. If only we could be prepared for triggers like this, I don’t think that feeling will ever go away. Sending you love and hugs for this coming week Laura. #wotw
Love and hugs, I hope things get better!
That’s grief for you. It really knows how to punch you. I’m glad you managed to get away though, I hope that helped a little. Wishing you lots of healing as the weeks go by.
I am so sorry to hear you’ve been struggling lately. Grief can be such a B*tch to bear. The fires in the mornings sounds so lovely.
I am so sorry for your grief and for what you’ve had to go through. I am sure that a call like that is triggering.
I am glad you are able to have those cozy mornings and are enjoying your stay, though. The photos are so beautiful.
My thoughts and prayers go out to you during this grief process. I just can’t even imagine.
So sorry that you’ve had such an emotional week with trying to process your grief. It’s so hard when you need that space to process but the world doesn’t stop to allow you to have it, and triggers are always hard things to deal with. Seven years in, I’ve learned to live with grief and accept its presence in my life, but it’s been a tough road getting to that point. There are still intense grief-storms at times and always will be, but I’ve mostly learned to navigate them. Grief is a very heavy backpack to carry but you will get stronger and more able to carry it. Leaning into it has helped me learn to carry it and I hope it will help you too. Sending a hug your way as you continue to work through your grief journey and all the emotions that come with missing Cameron and the memories you have. Glad you have still managed to find some glimmers in your week. Lighting a fire every day sounds like a lovely cosy thing to do and the photo of the rainbow is so beautiful. Your weekly photo is beautiful too even if it is deceptive x