Weekly Wisdoms #29

Writing is weird. One minute you are smashing you words and the next it feels like you may never find inspiration again. I have had one of those weeks. It has been so great being in Cape Town. The weather has been amazing and Jack and I have explored so many different places. But we received some sad news on Tuesday which took the words right out of my mind. But you know what the say – done is better than perfect, so I sat down today and just started writing.

Glimmers

(Glimmers are micro-moments of joy that make us feel happy, hopeful, and safe.)

• We had such a lovely road trip down to Cape Town last week (which was why there was no Weekly Wisdom last week).
• Jack and I have had a great week in Mother City.
• We have had cake – twice!
• I had a gluten free pie from Off the Gluten Path and it was amazing. It was the first pie I have had in years.
• We have been for a few walks along the promenade because the weather has been absolutely incredibly.
• It was Jack’s 14th birthday yesterday and we had the best time. We found two really great spots to eat.
• I had coffee with two friends. One I have met a few times but the other I have known for 15 years but never actually met. It was so great and I wish we had more time.
• Jack and I found the best little gallery at the Waterfront. We spent ages walking around.
• The main reason we came down was for David’s uncles 60th and we really had such a fun celebration.

My Weekly Wisdom..

Dealing with Cameron’s death has forced me to deal with a whole heap of trauma I have, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. But it has not been easy. One of the things I am working through, and have been for a few years actually is my inability to make lasting friendships.

I think it comes high school – it was not a fun time for me. I was always on outside of pretty much every group – never quite cool enough or nerdy enough or sporty enough.

I have had many friends over the years, most come and go and when I did find my person and we were just finding our groove, she got cancer and it broke my heart. Of course this was no ones fault but losing her was devastating. She knew everything about me. She was with me through some of the toughest times in my life. We survived so much together. I trusted her and knew she would always be there…..until she wasn’t.

I have definitely had other friends but nothing like you see on TV or read in books or see on your Insta feed and it’s always made me sad. I have never wanted a large gang of friends but just a few people who want to spend time with me.

This week, when things got tough I messaged a friend to tell her. She has checked in on me every day. She has asked how I am doing but she has also asked about David and the kids. She has allowed me to get angry and rage without judgement.

My neighbour messaged me saying she misses me because right now she would be standing at my door asking for wine and a cry. She also had a tough week.

Both of these friends have been unwavering in the support of me and my family. Che was there the night Cameron died – she literally held us together that night. Eve was there for me in the weeks that followed.

I had coffee with 2 friends this week – they are new friends or at least friends I don’t see often but we sat down and we chatted and shared and over shared and connected.

These connections with people who want to be with me are huge for me. It has taken me over 40 years to believe people might actually want to be with me. I say this, not with a woe-is-me kinda way, more in I had a lot of sh8t to deal with kinda way and I think I am getting to a point where I am dealing with it.

So my wisdom for this week, don’t wait for a devastating trauma to make you deal with your stuff – find a therapist and start talking.

Picture of the Week

I have decided to change this section up and add in my favourite photo of the week. A random log on my one walk of the week 🙂

Wise Words of the Week

Words of the Week

I am joining up with the Word of the Week link party this week so my word for the week would have to be ANGER . I know you properly weren’t expecting that word to be my word this week but I have been dealing with a huge about of anger this week. Anger at Cameron, the news we received, the universe, Cape Town and it’s stupid small roads. It could be that I am in the anger phase of my grief. Some days it feels all consuming and I have, on more than one occasion, googled rage rooms but instead I go for a walk, eat some cake or shout in the shower.

Until next week!