I have written a few blog posts over on HarassedMom about being smug. It is never a good idea, I know this. My smugness has come back to bite me more than once, so I try very hard to be humble and not smug about anything. But I was, silently, feeling a little smug about the fact that it seemed I was managing my perimenopause pretty well.
HA! Once again I was reminded about the downfalls of being smug!
Generally my period is very regular, it has been my whole life, which is how I knew immediately when I was pregnant each time. Over the last 4 years it has been a little wonky here or there but its literally been like 4 times and usually just one off month, then back on schedule. This past month was one of those months. It arrived 2 weeks early for a few days then left again and then arrived a few days late while I was on a walk and very unprepared for it. It didnt feel like an ordinary period though, it felt very rageful and angry and aggressive and nothing I was doing was holding it at bay. I shall leave that there though before I share way too much with the world wide web. (But if you are in this rageful period phase and in South Africa – these period panties are great).
The relevance to the story is I was fighting for my life without any of the other symptoms.
Then the anxiety hit but I am talking next level anxiety. Like shaking level anxiety. Waking up in the middle of the night worrying about the worst possible things anxiety. I have had bouts of anxiety here and there but nothing like this ever. Usually when my anxiety is high, something stressful is happening – budget is not working or a kid is sick or I have a lot or work – you know normal every day things that sometimes cause a little added anxiety. This was different – I was not stress about anything. Kids were all fine, finances were positive, work was busy but nothing out of the ordinary. But there I was trying not to pass out from anemia while also trying to not shake uncontrollably from anxiety, worrying about things that will never even happen.
Insomnia then reared its delightful head. I sleep well. I have a bad night here and there but sleep has never really been an issue – until now. Falling asleep takes forever then I am up around midnight, then between 2-3 again and then at 4 my body says “It’s time to get up sunshine”. HA! No it isn’t because thanks to the anxiety and blood loss I am exhausted.
The cravings had me considering a pregnancy test (but the heavy period reminded me it was not possible). I was craving sourdough bread with such intensity that I was worried for everyone who was standing in my way’s safety.
We are not done yet, setting the scene.
Because I got itchy – like a swarm of mosquitos had all simultaneously bitten me kind of itchy. Rubbing cream onto my skin sends me into sensory overload but I had no choice because it was the only thing offering some relief.
The brain fog was also quite something – I literally could not remember every day things. I didnt cook enough dinner the one night. It was a dish I make often but just cooked it, then realised that there just wasn’t going to be enough.
All of these things intersected last week – some of the symptoms had been there for a few weeks already but the intersection created the perfect, debilitating storm and by Wednesday I just couldn’t cope. I had already sent an SOS to my naturopath for help but she was only getting the meds on the weekend. I did what any self respecting perimenopausal woman would do – I tore my house apart looking for some left over urbanol. I knew there had to be at least one somewhere in the house, I searched everywhere but with the determination and rage of a crack addict looking for a fix. I turned the house upside down and when I did find the last 2 tablets I may or may not have cried a little.
The almost instant calm from that little drug offered me some respite from what is turning out to be a wild ride.
I knew then and I know now that it was not a long term solution. Thankfully my period has gone (almost) but the anxiety, itchiness, sleep disruptions, brain fog and a few other small symptoms persist. My naturopath has given me some supplements and meds to help me manage things better so hopefully I start feeling better soon.
