I Have What I Wanted

A few weeks ago when I was out walking with my friend Eve at 6hoo in the morning. Part of the walk runs along one of our main highways – its close but not that close. It was just after 6 and the cars were streaming past. I remember feeling so incredibly grateful that I did not have a job that required I sit in traffic that early (or ever). David and I walk that same trail on a Wednesday afternoon, when we walked the following week I thought how lucky we are to be able to go for a walk with our dogs every Wednesday at 15h00 in the afternoon.

This led me to a little bit of a gratitude rabbit hole.

David and I have been through some really tough times financially. We have had to literally beg, borrow and sell things. There were months where it felt like we would never stop treading water. It was exhausting. We worked and worked but still the end of the month would come weeks after the money ended.

But as I was hiking I realised that we are not treading water anymore. We might not be lounging on our lilo sipping cocktails but we definitely are able to enjoy the water a lot more now.

David’s business is thriving and growing in ways I don’t think we either thought possible. This has allowed us to methodically and diligently pay off our debt (we are almost completely debt free).

We are now at a place where we

• We can for weekly walks at 6h00 in the morning and 15h00 in the afternoon.
• I get to homeschool the children.
• We work together, from home.
• We can both work remotely, allowing us to visit family or go away whenever we want to.
• I get to have coffee with my friends regularly.
• I get my nails done once a month.
• The kids and I go on solo dates once a week.
• I get to indulge in my subscription box.
• David and Jack go to gym together 3 times a week.
• We were able to buy 3 new tyres for the car during our December holiday.

These things may not seem like big things to you, but to us they are huge because we honestly didn’t think we would get here.

What I am even more grateful for though is the freedoms we now have.

• To go on walks, be with the kids.
• Go on holiday whenever we want to for however long we want to (the idea of only 21 days leave seems so foreign to me now).
• Flexible working hours.
• Enjoying lunch and coffee breaks during the day with David.
• To scrapbook every now and then in the afternoon.

Our daily life often feels chaotic and sometimes I wish there was a little more in the bank account but we have a life many wish for. We have a life I wished for a few years ago. I get to be an active, involved part of my children and husbands everyday life and I love that.

When are deep in the tough times, it feels all consuming. It can feel like there is no end in site. Like you are never going to see the light again. It feels heavy and exhausting and soul destroying but the good news is, nothing stays the same. The world keeps moving despite your drama, so at some point things will get better. And when they do it will be beautiful and better than you every imagined.

You just have to keep swimming!