Over the years I have been to a therapist here and there. After my divorce I saw someone for a while, David and I saw someone when we hit a speed bump. Cameron had a therapist for a few years. So when we lost him, it only made sense that we find someone to help us all through it. All 5 of us started seeing someone, at different stages. I don’t think we would have made it through had we not decided to do this. I have always believed in the power of therapy but it is not a quick fix. You don’t see a therapist, walk out healed and good to go. Depending on why you went it can take years to work through things – you have to give yourself that time.
Trauma Isn’t Always What You Think
When we hear the word trauma, our minds often jump to the big, obvious events. But trauma is really about how our system responds to any experience that overwhelms our ability to cope. It’s not about the size of the event – it’s about the impact it has on you.
A divorce can be trauma. Losing a job you loved can be trauma. The death of a pet, a friend moving away, a medical diagnosis, even positive changes like getting married or having a baby can sometimes be traumatic if they overwhelm your coping mechanisms. What matters isn’t whether other people think your experience “counts” as trauma – what matters is how it affected you.
Emma asked to see her psychologist again recently, and I was so proud of her for recognising that she needed support. At her age, she’s already understanding something it took me decades to figure out – that asking for help isn’t weakness, it’s wisdom.
Why Professional Help Matters
I know there’s this idea that we should be able to handle things on our own, that talking to friends and family should be enough. And don’t get me wrong – having a good support system is crucial. But there’s something different about sitting with someone who’s trained to help you navigate the complicated landscape of trauma and grief.
A therapist brings skills and objectivity that even the most supportive friend can’t provide. They know how to ask the right questions, how to sit with you in the really uncomfortable emotions, and how to guide you through processing experiences in a way that actually helps you heal rather than just rehashing the same painful thoughts over and over.
When Cameron died, I had so many people around me who loved me and wanted to help. But I also had a therapist who could help me understand why I was feeling angry one moment and numb the next, why I couldn’t sleep, why certain triggers would send me spiralling. She helped me make sense of my grief in a way that felt manageable, even when it didn’t feel bearable.
It’s Not a Quick Fix
Therapy is not a quick fix. The reality is that healing is slow, messy, and rarely linear.
Some weeks I’d leave therapy feeling lighter, like I’d made real progress. Other weeks I’d walk out feeling worse than when I went in, like I’d stirred up emotions I wasn’t ready to face. Both of those experiences are normal and necessary parts of the process.
Healing trauma isn’t like treating a broken bone where you can see it mending week by week. It’s more like tending a garden – some days you’re planting seeds, some days you’re pulling weeds, some days you’re just watering and waiting. The growth happens underground before you can see it above the surface.
The Work Continues Outside the Room
One thing that surprised me about therapy was how much work happens between sessions. Your therapist might give you exercises to try, journals to keep, or new ways of thinking to practice. The real healing often happens in those quiet moments at home when you’re applying what you’ve learned to your actual life.
It is also understanding that it is going to take time for you to figure out how to function in your normal every day life. You start changing, healing and growing, if your environment doesn’t allow for that growth, it can make things very challenging.
Different Types of Trauma Need Different Approaches
Not all therapy is the same, and not all therapists work the same way. Some traumas respond well to talking through what happened and processing the emotions. Others might need more specialised approaches like EMDR or somatic therapy. Some people benefit from group therapy, others need individual work.
It’s okay if the first therapist you try isn’t the right fit. It’s okay if the first type of therapy doesn’t feel helpful. Finding the right therapeutic relationship is a bit like dating – sometimes it takes a few tries to find someone you click with.
What’s important is not giving up if the first attempt doesn’t feel right. I know how vulnerable it feels to sit in front of someone and expose all your messy emotions, and if that person doesn’t feel safe or helpful, it can make you want to give up on therapy altogether. Please don’t. The right therapeutic relationship can be genuinely life-changing. I went through three therapist before finding the one that worked for me. There was nothing wrong with the others, they just weren’t right for me at the time.
Small Traumas Matter Too
I want to come back to this because I think it’s so important. You don’t need to have survived something dramatic to benefit from therapy. If you’re struggling after a breakup, if losing your job has left you feeling lost, if moving to a new city has been harder than you expected – these experiences matter.
I’ve seen people minimise their own struggles because they don’t think they’re “bad enough” to warrant professional help. But here’s the thing: if it’s affecting your sleep, your relationships, your ability to function, or your general sense of wellbeing, then it’s significant enough to get support for.
We wouldn’t hesitate to see a doctor for a physical injury, even a minor one. Why do we set the bar so much higher for our emotional wellbeing?
The Ripple Effects
One of the unexpected benefits of therapy has been how it’s affected my relationships with my family. Learning to process my own emotions more effectively has made me a better support person for Kiara, David, Jack and Emma when they’re going through difficult times. It’s taught me how to sit with someone else’s pain without trying to fix it or make it go away.
It’s also helped me recognise when the people I love might benefit from professional support. When Emma asked to see her psychologist again, I didn’t hesitate or suggest she try to handle it on her own first. I understood that she was being proactive about her mental health, and I was grateful she felt safe enough to ask.
Starting the Journey
If you’re thinking about therapy but haven’t taken the step yet, I want you to know that it’s okay to start small. You don’t need to commit to months of sessions right away. You can book one appointment and see how it feels. You can shop around until you find someone who feels right.
It’s also okay to take breaks from therapy when you need to. Mental health work is exhausting, and sometimes you need to pause and integrate what you’ve learned before diving deeper.
What I wish I’d known earlier is that seeking therapy after difficult experiences isn’t just about dealing with the immediate crisis – it’s about building resilience for whatever life throws at you next. It’s about developing a toolkit of coping strategies that will serve you long after the acute pain has faded.
The journey isn’t easy, and it’s not quick, but it’s worth it. You’re worth it. Whatever you’ve been through, however big or small it might seem to others, if it’s affecting your life, you deserve support in working through it.
Have you found therapy helpful in processing difficult experiences? I’d love to hear about what worked for you, or if you’re considering it, what’s holding you back?
