Its been a hot minute. I wish I could say I had no time or that there was nothing to write about but thats not what happened. It was (and still is) a writers worst nightmare – I had no words. They have been strangled by my grief which has been so frustrating.
Last year November was the hardest month for me – during September we were still all in shock at the loss of Cameron. October I spent making sure the kids and David were ok and I tried desperately to get our lives back to normal. But in November it all came crashing down around me – I realized Cameron was gone and that nothing would ever be normal again. I couldn’t hold it together and ended up spending 10 days in a clinic trying to claw myself out of the deep dark hole I was in. I did it, thanks to my unbelievably supportive husband, a team of incredible doctors and an unwavering group of friends.
But the body keeps score. So while I started seeing the light during December, my body remembers how traumatic November was and it reminded me. It felt like I was reliving everything all over again – the stress, the shock, the anger, the sadness, the confusion – it was all back. Thankfully I was able to work through it and have just come out the other side, a little battered but also a little stronger.
Glimmers
(Glimmers are micro-moments of joy that make us feel happy, hopeful, and safe.)
- This didnt happen this week but I want it recorded! David organised an airshow earlier this year – it was the first one he had ever organised and it won 2nd Best Air Show in South Africa. I am so proud of him – he has worked so incredibly hard for this.
- We had our first ever Friends Christmas on Sunday. I have been wanting to do it for years but there is always a reason not to – this year, I just did it. It was fantastic.
- Eve bought me this gorgeous journal full with daily prompts and I am so in love with it. It was designed by a writer to help writers write. I can’t wait to start it.
- Emma graded again and is now a Red One belt and her provincial colours.
- I have been making all things Christmas with my Cricut. I am having so much fun.
- I organised a little Christmas party for Emma and her friends – they had such a great time.
- I have been watching a Christmas movie a day since the start of December – I have found a new favourite – The Best Christmas Pageant on Netflix. It is not a cheesy romcom but has such a sweet message.
Picture of the Week
I have decided to change this section up and add in my favourite photo of the week. This is an old photo I found of Kiara when she asked me to look for photos of her. This kinda sums up this time in her life – she was fierce and had fire in her belly.
Wise Words of the Week
This is the first page of the journal I received. Isn’t it just lovely.
Words of the Week
I am joining up with the Word of the Week link party this week so my word for the week would have to be GRATITUDE. November was hard but as we start closing the year off I am so grateful – for Emma’s tutor, her sensei, her hockey coaches. For Jacks art teacher, his friend Zac. For my husband, Eve, Che, Corlea and all the other friends who are there, always. For my walking group. For the life we have worked so hard to create.
Until next week!
There is always something to feel grateful for. I have a difficult time this time of year as all my trauma in my life has happened in December and early January. It affects my daughter too, we call it SAD but it’s really PTSD. It’s been years for us, but it still strikes, even if it gets slightly easier and you DO learn ways of dealing with it better. I hope your writing mojo flourishes again now, what a thoughtful gift from your friend.
Sending love and hugs. It sounds like such a rough time for you.
Well done to David with the air show and so many little glimmers or happiness and hope. The journal sounds lovely! x
I’m sorry to hear that things have been extra tough lately. I’m sending you a big hug.
It’s lovely to see you back again. I like reading your glimmers; they are always so uplifting.
Congrats to David on the airshow win, that’s amazing.
Your week sounds like it’s been a very festive one, and you have the lovely photos as memories.
I am so sorry to read that November was such a rough month for you; it’s amazing how grief can pack such a punch when you really don’t expect it. I am loving all your Cricut projects! They turned out so cute and both the friends parties (yours and your daughters) sound so fun. I’ve been trying to watch a Christmas movie a day too though I don’t always make it through the full movie each day so it’s kind of turned into a movie every other day…
Thank you for sharing. Sending you lots of love and light.
I’m so sorry that November was such a tough month. I also find that my body remembers events and hits me with grief-bursts as a result. It’s so hard working through it all. I’m glad things are feeling a little lighter again for you. Well done to David on winning 2nd best air show – what a wonderful achievement for him. Well done to Emma on her grading. Glad the journal is helping you – those words on the first page are so powerful. Hope that the festive season is being gentle with you all. #WotW
I’ve been doing the same. I think it’s seeing all the things I would be buying, the cards with daughter on and the planning and then the upset of having to remove her physically from everything. The online blogging about my grief and emotions is really helping. Congratulations to David with the airshow. I love the idea of a Christmas Movie a day. Merry Christmas to you all.